Let it all out.

I have been alone. Well, I believe that I've been alone. It's so hard to tell when people are supporting you or not. It gets hard to tell if you have anyone left to be there for you.

I lost a great friend, but I don't know when I lost her. I don't know when I lost either of them.

What did I do to drive them away?

People grown up and move on, I know, but did I really mean so little to you? I was by your side through everything for more than 10 years. You at least pretended to care back then.

I'm trying. Apparently, no one sees that.

I am so stressed and anxious. All I need is one good friend to talk to. No. Instead, I have to be reliant on fucking pills to stop my emotions. I can literlly feel myself going down a dark road. I know what is happening to me.

I just don't care anymore.

A New Beginning

I began reading the Book of Mormon today. This is pretty well delayed and much needed as my first meeting with the missionaries was over a month ago. Now is better than never, though, I suppose.

I began reading from the beginning in the book of Nephi. So far, I have only read the first chapter. As I was reading, I found myself feeling many things. The most overwhelming of these feelings was that of a sort of blissful craving to learn. I felt calm and was no longer aware of my surroundings--I only wanted to absorb more of this wonderful story.

I know that I believe, but I also know that the journey ahead--if I choose to take it--will be most difficult. My lifestyle is not the most...pure. All I can be certain of is that there is a lot of studying and prayer in my future. I need to be sure. I need to know.

Time to get fit!

Yesterday, two lovely ladies and I went out to eat at one of my favorite little reataurants in Gretna--The Green Apple. I love how this food is so delicious, but entirely homemade and healthy!

Just after we had finished eating, we went next door to check out a gym. It's called Anytime Fitness. We walked through the door into a huge room filled with equipment. The owner was very welcoming and showed us around just for us to discover two more very large rooms filled with wonderfully useful workout items. There was even a tanning bed in a fourth room!

After the tour, we went into this woman's office to discuss the costs and all that is included. Because the three if us are students, we were offered a dicount. For $29 each month, we will have a literal 24/7 access key to any Anytime Fitness in the US! This price also includes access to any and all classes with no additional fee and a one-time free meeting with a personal trainer! Now, tell me that this isn't a great deal!

I am excited to join this gym because I am tired of feeling like I should be more healthy. I'm tired of feeling exhausted all the time.

However, I have started keeping a better eye on what I am eating. I downloaded a calorie counter about a month ago, not necessarily to lose weight, but to see what it is that I am eating. To my amazement, I was eating close to 3000 calories a day or more! I have since cut my calorie intake in half (but I haven't tried to be too strict). I have felt healthier, but I still feel like I should be doing more.

The three of us are heading to the gym on Monday to sign up. I honestly can't wait to start my future of feeling and being healthier!

Journalism: Majoring in Information

I am currently enrolled in an academic transfer program with a focus on journalism. As I progress through my major, it becomes more and more clear to me that this is what I truly want to do with my life.
Maybe it's just my personality, but I crave honesty. I strive for the truth. Journalism gives me that. I am passionate about being honest and delivering honesty to people in such a way that may be trusted.
Journalism is information.
However, journalism (and media in general) oftentimes becomes corrupt and filled with exagerations. I am majoring in information to be honestly informative. I will not be one who delivers false truths.

Love your children everyday.

Today began like any other normal daycare day. I woke up super early to safeguard and care for children that are usually either extremely sweet or extremely rotten.

One little boy of ours is a special needs child. He has a wheelchair and cannot speak outside of random sounds. It just so happens that he left the state 6 days ago to undergo more surgery. (I hope it is understood that I cannot give out specifics.) He came back home last night earlier than the doctors and his parents had expected. He did very well with 3 straight days of surgery.

Last night, around 10:30 pm, a rescue call went over the scanners for a 6 year old boy. The boy was unreponsive and CPR was in progress. Not long after the CPR was announced, the scanners informed their listeners that this child has gone into cardiac arrest.

Calvin passed away last night.

He was 6 years old.

He had just started kindergarten this year.

He has a little brother and two parents who loved him very much.

He was one of the most sweet and ornery little boys I had ever met.

He was adored by everyone he encountered.

Daycare will never be the same without him.

We all loved him.

So,
cherish your children. Love them. Care for them. Surprise them. Laugh with them. Hold them. Kiss them. Cuddle them. Make them feel safe.

You never know how long God will let you keep them.