Lonely

I've been feeling terribly lonely as of late, quite thoroughly. Most of the close friends I had not even a year ago are now zipping through each of their own universe at a thousand lighyears per second. As it turns out, high school friends don't last forever. Who would have guessed, right?

I think about this extensively almost everyday. Memories of deep conversations and shopping trips plague my mind. They don't seem to want to stay out of my head.

Most everyone I know from school has attempted to convince me--not necessarily intentionally--that it is my fault entirely for losing such great company. I realized yesterday that this is total bull shit. If they were so great to have around, why did they leave me when I needed them most? When I was falling forward and too weak to catch myself? I left these friendships with bruised cheeks and scraped palms.

I want to say, I love you. I love you for being amazing when you were. I love you for teaching me to let go. I love you for allowing me to have you during the time that I did.

But I love who I have now more. I love them to the very death of me and would sacrifice an impressive amount for any of them. I love them for taking a leap of faith when I was too afraid to jump alone. I love them for teaching me that I can love unconditionally in any setting I want. I love them for not judging. I love them for loving me--the real me--not the one you all think you know.

I love my real friends dearly.