Lonely

I've been feeling terribly lonely as of late, quite thoroughly. Most of the close friends I had not even a year ago are now zipping through each of their own universe at a thousand lighyears per second. As it turns out, high school friends don't last forever. Who would have guessed, right?

I think about this extensively almost everyday. Memories of deep conversations and shopping trips plague my mind. They don't seem to want to stay out of my head.

Most everyone I know from school has attempted to convince me--not necessarily intentionally--that it is my fault entirely for losing such great company. I realized yesterday that this is total bull shit. If they were so great to have around, why did they leave me when I needed them most? When I was falling forward and too weak to catch myself? I left these friendships with bruised cheeks and scraped palms.

I want to say, I love you. I love you for being amazing when you were. I love you for teaching me to let go. I love you for allowing me to have you during the time that I did.

But I love who I have now more. I love them to the very death of me and would sacrifice an impressive amount for any of them. I love them for taking a leap of faith when I was too afraid to jump alone. I love them for teaching me that I can love unconditionally in any setting I want. I love them for not judging. I love them for loving me--the real me--not the one you all think you know.

I love my real friends dearly.

Pumping Away All Our Money

I just caught wind that gas prices in Ashland, Nebraska are going to be increased by about ten cents by tomorrow. We think, Hey, what's ten cents matter? It is exactly this mentality that allows gas prices to continue to skyrocket.

According to the USA National Gas Price Heat Map at Gas Buddy, almost all areas in the U.S. are currently at ridiculous gas prices. With only four counties in the entire U.S. (that I could count) at less than $3.50/gallon, some areas are experiencing up to $4.20/gallon and higher! Just two years ago, gas prices were down to a national average of about $2.69/gallon. The next year began with an average of about $3.58/gallon. What happened to this?

Commodities
Crude Oil	96.80	- 0.38%
Natural Gas	3.01	+ 0.47%
Gasoline	3.05	+0.12%
Heating Oil	3.18	- 0.18%
Gold	1733.48	+ 0.42%
Silver	33.47	- 0.12%
Copper	3.70	- 0.39%

(Chart found at Oil Price)

Why are gas prices still increasing? Let's ask our government officials.

Always a Way

 I was talking to one of my co-workers the other day and she mentioned the feeling of being trapped. She brought up that--in certain circumstances--many people feel as if there is nothing to fix what has been done. For example, an abused wife may feel trapped in her marriage because she is afraid of what would happen in the event that she divorced her husband. But does anyone ever sit down and ask themselves, What would happen?

Being a recovered victim of feeling trapped myself, I can honestly say no. Most people do not sit down and question possibilities because, in our minds, we see the current situation as the only option. I am here to say that there will always be a way out of every undesirable spot in our lives. And, no, you are not alone in anything that may be happening. The feeling of being trapped is the greatest scam anyone has ever tricked themselves into believing. You are never trapped. Things may get rough. They may make you break. But there is always a way around them. I can guarantee that there are others who have gone through the same things you have. All you have to do is ask for help--no matter how hard it may be.

So, what would happen?

Does it really matter? The only thing that truly matters is your happiness, and that isn't going to come if you're just sitting there waiting for things to get better. It isn't going to happen while you're sitting there watching those around you be happy at your expense. Get up and make a move. Get out and find someone better.

No one deserves to feel trapped.

Now for an even more serious matter...

September 10 is Suicide Awareness Day--a day devoted to raising awareness about and preventing suicide. Now, when most people hear the term suicide, they consider only its meaning. Not many people want to think about why it had happened or who it may have been that pushed that person just a little too far. Why? Could it possibly be because those same people may feel just a tad guilty? Maybe a joke was said, or a jab was made.

When we are young, we are all told to think about what we say before we say it. Do we do it? Probably not most of us. I hardly did growing up. I never even thought that I could possibly be the one to make someone feel so helpless--I was only having fun, right?

I am here to say that we all need to watch what we say and do to others. It may be the one thing they need to convince themselves to do it. It may be the last thing we ever say to someone because it may just push them to take his or her life.



Suicide Hotline:
1-800-273-8255

Feeling trapped or helpless? Here are a couple links that may help:
Your Life, Your Voice
To Write Love On Her Arms
It Gets Better

I will always welcome e-mails from anyone who just needs to talk: earthchild_sash@yahoo.com

Modeling

I've been thinking lately; I want to be a model. Actually, I've wanted to model ever since I was a little girl. My mom always told me that I don't want to be a model because they would be mean. They would make me lose weight and tell me I'm worthless.
I've modeled for KFord Photography and she wasn't like that at all. I was recently asked to model for a couple beginning photographers at K & C Photography. And, a current model at a magazine asked me to come model where she does.

 (photo taken by KFord photography)

I don't think people are going to be as horrible to me as my mom said they would.

(these were taken my myself)

I hope I might be able to model someday. 

This Labor Day Weekend

My Labor Day weekend began Friday evening at 5:30 when I left work. I went to a tattoo parlor with my best friend to get her navel pierced. I paid for it seeming as this was her 18th birthday present from me. While we were there, I decided to get a second Monroe piecing to make a complete set of angel bites.

When I got home, my boyfriend was already in bed, so I went to sleep as well. It was actually quite early for me to go to bed. I couldn't convince my body to sleep in, so I woke up fairly early, too. Because I don't work weekends--or holidays (the glory of working at a daycare)--I would be off from work until Tuesday.

This morning, I woke up sincerely believing that today was Saturday and that my weekend had just begun. Too bad it's already Sunday.

At least the world hasn't ended yet.